movie reviews for the crazies.

Lake Dead (2007)

AKA "The cavemen from the Geico commercial rape and kill people until Principal Radich saves the day." I like to make up alternate names for things when I'm bored, which I most certainly was during this movie.

I usually love bad low budget horror films, but this one irked me for several reasons. The first being that it reeked of a script written by 40-year-olds desperately trying to appeal to twenty-somethings. There is actually a scene where a girl kisses a guy and says "I don't know why I love you," and the guy says "It's because I put you in my top 8." Can you believe it?!? That line was literally uttered on a screen in a mainstream theater! I hate so much I almost like it. Almost.

Another dead giveaway that middle aged men were involved in the making of the film was the actresses that were cast. The "hot girl" who steals another girl's boyfriend is totally nasty, she has over-plucked eyebrows and enough lipgloss on her face to smother a horse. The other three actresses were typical B movie fare: so-so faces and hot bodies. And all the girls' clothes in this movie look like they were purchased in the pre-teen hooker department at JC Penny. Wow, do I have my claws out or what? Rowr!

Speaking of the ladies in this movie, they annoyingly did absolutely nothing but scream and fall down the whole time. I know this is a horror movie standard but this is 2007 people, couldn't the girls kick a little ass now? Just once I would love to see a crazed murderer get a solid high kick to the face when he comes at a girl. I've been doing lots of capoeira training in preparation for precisely that moment. In one scene in this movie the main character is like "Ow! I twisted my ankle. Sh** that really hurt, you guys go on without me." That line is lame in more ways than one.

Another thing that bothered me is that this movie made several visual references (read = ripped off shots) to The Devil's Rejects (2005) which is one of my favorite movies and is sacred as far as I'm concerned and shouldn't get ripped off by a crappy B movie.

One last complaint: the special effects make up in this movie sucked big time. I looked scarier on Halloween than the dead bodies in this film, and I bought all of my make up at Value Village. Usually independent filmmakers are the innovators in this field because they figure out creative ways to make less with more, but somebody dropped the fake bloody ball on this one.

Now that I've complained my little face off, I'll force my evil brain to say something positive. This movie was released as part of Afterdark Horrorfest 2, which puts out 8 low budget horror films from unknown filmmakers, which is a pretty awesome concept. Yeah for promoting independent film!

Oh I'll decode my alternative title for you know. The two brothers who do most of the killing in this movie look like the cavemen from the Geico commercials on steriods, which is not very scary at all. And fellow fans of Degrassi: the Next Generation will get the Principal Radich reference. The "actor" who plays the principal on this terrible Canadian teen soap opera is obviously trying to win back some street cred by playing the drunken absentee father in this movie. He drops a major F-bomb in the closing line, how will he ever earn back the respect of the students at Degrassi?